


Bound at the Heart (And at the Wrists)

by Justanothertrashaccount



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:08:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24134845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justanothertrashaccount/pseuds/Justanothertrashaccount
Summary: Townhouse Incident with a twist. What happens when Olivia sacrifices herself for the girl? And how will the squad react?
Relationships: Olivia Benson/Ed Tucker, Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Comments: 14
Kudos: 61





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all. Last call for non-con warning. Proceed with limited caution, its not terribly descriptive but just in case. Anyway, please review and chapter 2 and 3 will be coming out very shortly.  
> Thanks

The phone buzzed on the countertop, the lamp adjacent slightly vibrating as well. The bunkbed, currently housing two terrified hostages and one Lieutenant _pretending_ not to be terrified, creaked under the newfound pressure. 

Olivia's hands were bound at the wrist with navy blue zip ties, so reaching said device was only a feat possible for one's imagination. Joe, however, didn't hesitate as he began to read the text meant for the leader of SVU. 

"They caught your rapist!" 

His words were slurred and he haphazardly swung his arm around, releasing the phone which promptly hit the window with a dull thud. 

"We," he began, taking a breath or two in excited anticipation, "should celebrate! Who's up for a paaaarty?"

Olivia visibly winced at the implication of what he intended, desperately hoping he meant _anything_ else. Normally jumping to that conclusion from such a general sumbag statement would be a stretch, but the look in his eye was all too familar. 

Wishful thoughts of safety, however, are often far from reality.

"Eniee, meenie, minie... ho!" 

The 16 year old girl looked directly at the shaking finger pointing towards her chest. 

"You. You're comin with me"

 _"No. He wouldn't... right?"_ Olivia thought. But more than a decade and a half of Special Victims Unit experience told her otherwise. 

Before any sense of self preservation could interfere in such an impulsive descion, the Lieutenant reached with both hands laterally to prevent the girl from leaving the relative safety of the shared bed. 

Joe, taken aback but recovering quickly, quickly quipped, "Well... what do we have here?"

Adrenaline coursing through veins, not unlike the internal hellfire that could only be reached through pure unbridled spite, was the only thing preventing Olivia's voice from shaking. 

"I won't let you take her"

"No sweet-cheeks. You see I...", Joe began to explain before spinning with his arms open, "am GOD. And I will do what, and who, I please"

Circling like a hawk above prey, he quickly grabs Liv's forearm and gets her to a standing position uncomfortably close to his body. Two steady fingers rise to lift up Olivia's chin until her defiant eye contact with the offender is broken. 

"Momma bear to the rescue, huh?" He circles once more, using lust-filled vision to take in his prey who was certainly stunning in every sense of the word. Although the zip ties and fear did less than help. 

"You know what? Forget the girl. I've got myself a _woman_!" 

Anybody conscious and sane could detect the absurd level of intoxication as this scum pulled her close and kissed her neck. Wrists still bound, hope and dignity were fleeting as he led her roughly towards the door of the adjoining room. 

_"So this what the gates of hell look_ like" she thought, admiring the ornate pattern of flowers no doubt carved by a small child in the dark wood of the door. 

Inside, a bed rested in the center of the left wall, the colors of the sheets accented by the natural light seeping through a window. 

Her thoughts on the interior design were cut short rather abruptly as Joe pushed her on the bed, her body kind of bouncing upwards after the intial fall due to the bed's springs. He pushed the full of her weight onto the bed completely with a second push, as his own weight shifted on of her. 

Olivia's legs were forced open without much resistance, as she knew fighting back would just lead to the suffering of someone else. And as Lindstrom was so frequent to point out, fighting for the good of someone else was her forte. 

Both belt buckles became undone but only one party in this gruesome exchange could feel tears carve their way down porcelain cheeks.

Joe paused, and not ten seconds later a small box cutter and a brief Lewis flashback made unwelcome appearances. The blade was long enough that TSA would throw a hissy fit, but it would definitely take a couple of slashes to cause life threatening injuries. Hopefully. 

The blade came down quickly on the blouse, shredding it clean down the middle and revealing the simple and intact black bra underneath. His hands moved to cup her breasts, but only one made contact as the other changed course and finished pulling down her slacks. Joe, taking in the sight before him, was unprecedently aroused. 

Olivia's hands, in sinc with one another due to the bindings, made contact with her lips in an attempt to stifle a pained groan when he roughly thrusted inside her. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

After what seemed like an eternity, although the silver watch showed less than 20 minutes have passed, Joe finally finished partially inside of Olivia with a final grunt and the rest was released on the black slacks when he pulled out. 

Joe desperately wanted to roll over and lay next to the woman in his exhaustion, but he knew better. The gun always had to be accessible, and she isn't just some unskilled civilian. 

Olivia sat up slowly at first, trying to reinflate her previously crushed lungs. Tears were falling, but her face did not contort. Instead, the NYPD Lieutenant was numb to the emotional pain that would soon come crashing in like the tide. 

Liv got up from the blue comforter, the bed was still made albeit a little crumpled, and walked back towards the children with tears in her eyes and pain between her legs. Now on the bunkbed, mind elsewhere, Liv pulled in each kid into a protective embrace and both happily rested on her instinctively. 

The neutral silence was broken by Roxy, who, rather worriedly, asked "Who's Lucy?"

"She's my sitter. She's also Luca's sitter, and she needs to talk to me". The formerly distraught and emotionally distant voice warped into a pseudo comforting one throughout the sentance.

The phone was placed in Olivia's cupped hands, and texting was painful as the zip ties bit into the skin. 

The message was a hail mary. A whispered prayer. A shot in the dark. But she had to try. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

**SVU SQUAD ROOM:**

Barba's concern, and the rest of the squad's for that matter, grew exponentially when it was revealed that their matriarch was not at the DNA conference. 

But that level of concern didn't hold a candle to the bonfire of rage stirring in each detective (and ADA) when her message was received. Barba's heart might has well lept from the roof onto the pavement below. Which was a rather possible situation if she were to be cold upon their arrival. 

Each and every person in that room had a personal relationship with Olivia Benson that rose far beyond coworker. For most detectives, she was a surrogate mother and they were proud to be under her wing. For Fin, a sister that had his back on countless occasions and even forgave him when he almost didn't have hers. And for Barba, well that was something else entirely. 

He may not have been one of the so-called TelepathTwins, a nickname used to describe the woman and her former partner, but he did send a prayer her way. If only to inform her, 

_Help is on the way._


	2. Bleeding Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia's grim situation is somewhat revealed to the squad when Mike and the EMT enter the brownstone. Back outside, the squad can only speculate... until Joe takes her outside at gunpoint and they see for themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the review! I like to finish works pretty quickly so they aren't weighing me down, which means a new chapter will be in shortly. 
> 
> Thanks!

Mike Dodds was not raised to be meek. Or scared. Or timid. He was raised to play politics, see the big picture. But interacting with Olivia, who he considered equivalent to a mother, in nothing but his blue underwear was not exactly a situation that elicited confidence. He figured the worst part would be the walk of shame in front of his subordinates. 

In exactly 2 minutes, Mike would realize it was by far the wrongest assumption he ever made. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

The door to the brownstone was pushed open as he lifted one end of a stiff wooden board meant to carry the battered father. Tucker had specifically told him to take inventory of the members of the house and their medical condition, to determine weather it was time to finally involve ESU. The daughter was shaken with a few bruises but nothing serious, same for the brother. This was good news, obviously. But when those eyes met Olivia's... 

His heart broke. Snapped in two. To say he just acquired a jagged cut on his soul would be an understatement.

The sight of her sitting on that couch is not one soon to be forgotten. Although she was barely conscious, the two children were both tucked under one arm each, clinging for dear life like she was some type of savior. The oldest provided a shoulder for Liv's head and the trio hundled like they dared not let go. But what really killed him was her blouse, cut practically in two, and the belt's ends hanging to the side, unbuckled. 

Taking in the scene before him probably took the better of two seconds, but he averted his gaze to avoid suspicion from Joe. Mike had to appear as an EMT concerned about the father, and focusing on the supposed strangers would undeniably create tension that desperately needed to be avoided at the moment. 

His partner, who Mike had never met before but nevertheless bonded over the embarrassment of practically being buck ass nude, quickly looked away from the hostages too. As Mike pretended to inspect the father with his partner, he couldn't help but look at his Lieutenant. Why was she so out of it? _Perhaps a head injury,_ he thought, but reluctantly dismissed the notion as he didn't see any blood on her. 

He didn't see any blood on her. Until he did. But it wasn't anywhere near where he anticipated. 

Despite the red flags that were the blouse and the belt, he subconsciously decided it wasn't true. It wasn't possible. Not for Olivia Benson. And yet here she was, the blood forming between her legs is unmistakable on the white cushions. And her pants were adorned with two or three dabbles of white-ish substance, the identity of which almost made him gag. 

The next couple of minutes were a haze to say the least. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Dodds?" 

He was suddenly fully clothed and back in the command bus, all eyes on him. He turned in the general direction of the sound, which brought him face to face with Tucker, with the rest of the squad and a lone ADA waiting impatiently behind the negotiator. 

"What? Sorry I spaced out for a second". Another understatement. 

"I asked about the hostages? Are they okay?"

Tucker didn't hesitate, the line of questioning precise but not quite adequately masking his concern. The detectives behind Tucker were ready to hang on to every word Dodds was about to say. 

Mike suddenly wished his EMT counterpart was here to indulge the information, but the man was where he belonged in the ambulance. 

"I uh..." he started, gulping heavily and regaining a minute amout of composure before continuing, "The daughter suffered a light head injury and some blood was evident. The son, well... I'm not entirely sure but he was probably just more afriad than physically injured"

Barba raised his voice to ask, "And Liv?".

Such volume wasn't necessary as the unlikely family was huddled around a 2-person sized table attached to the interior wall of the bus. Mike sitting in one chair, Tucker the other, and the whole gang squeezed in the surrounding space. Not to mention the subsequent silence. 

Any trace of his previously gained composure was lost. Tears began to well in his eyes, not unnoticed by the squad. 

"Is she... alive?"

The million dollar question, posed by Carisi. If Mike thought Olivia was like a mother figure to himself, it was nothing compared to her relationship with Carisi. They weren't like family, they were family. 

Mike looked him in the eye, but quickly averted his gaze for the second time today. 

"No it's not that, shes alive." 

The group almost let out their collectively held breaths before realizing that if it wasn't her death that shocked him, what was it?

Mike stumbled on his words before being able to form a coherent sentance,

"She was sitting in the living room with the kids. They were all huddled together".

He paused, and one could hear a pin drop in the (relative) silence of the room. 

"I thought she was fine. But..."

"Out with it, Dodds. Does she need medical attention?". Tucker didn't intend to be harsh, but that woman was a godsend and he'll never recover if she dies while he tried to reason with a madman.

"I... I don't know". Mike subconsciously turned to Amanda. "She was bleeding"

Barba reached into his briefcase and gifted Tucker a scrap of legal paper, which was needed to take notes for preparing the paramedics of the scene inside. 

"Where? And how bad?"

"Can we speak privately"

"Son, this is urgent. And who better to trust then the men and woman beside you?"

Dodds Jr. slightly recoiled, knowing that Liv would never want this information revealed so publicly. 

"Between her legs. I couldn't tell how much but the couch cushion had a fair amount of blood on it. I couldn't see fully because the daughter was busy consoling Liv." 

Pure silence. Well not really, this was New York, but no one heard anything except the gears turning in their own heads, seeking any other explanation other than the obvious one. 

"She's awake, but out of it for sure"

Mike began to fill the silence. Now the secret was out, and he was determined to help her. Even if that meant revealing some unsavory facts. 

"I saw a cut on her chest, right on the sternum. It didn't look terribly deep and wasn't bleeding that much"

He mirrored the path of the cut on himself, but his voice audibly shook as he broke. 

"He... her shirt was ripped clean down the middle. Joe... i saw... it looked like he finished on her... I..."

Had Mike been able to finish that sentance, it would have ended with an apology. What for? He didn't know. But Mike never did get the chance as his head soon met his arms folded over the table. Crying with the Dodds name while male was not acceptable. Wasn't even fathomable, or at least not publicly. But he had no shame. 

It didn't matter. It was unlikely anyone even acknowledged the matter, no one cared. 

But there was one subject, one woman, they cared a whole awful lot about. And this? This wouldnt stand.

Fin took a step back. Then two. Suddenly his vision was invaded by hellfire red, then blurred by tears. He let her be vulnerable not once, not twice. Three times. Fin knew it wasn't his fault, logically. But 3 times assulted and then raped? If it didn't break her, it might just break him.Pivoting on the heel of his black boot, he began a purpose-feuled crusade of vengeance.

He didn't get very far though. 

Because the phone rang. 


	3. Deals with the Devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the hostage situation develops, Joe decides to move the action outside in an attempt to reach the designated car. I know the timeline can be a little whack in relation to the episode but the essence is the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and hits! If you like the work, please leave kudos so I know it people would like me to continue or not... 
> 
> Anyway stay safe out there!

The ringing of the designated "hostage negotiation phone" alerted the people of the command bus back from their teary thinking. 

Tucker, temporarily working as part of HNT, would have made great efforts not to shake as he approached the device, if it weren't for the fact that he no longer cared about anything other than the woman's safety. 

"This is Captain Tucker speaking. Is Joe available?" 

Although the demands were already made, he was fairly sure the direction of this call. Joe would probably just add more and more outlandish items to the ransom list, like most scumbags Tucker encountered before. But Joe was not just any criminal, either. He was a deranged and high madmam who, as far as any person with average intelligence could infer, raped Olivia. _His_ Olivia. 

Tucker waited anxiously as the silence persisted over speaker phone, the squad refusing anything less than full transparency of the situation. 

"This is hiiim." 

The words were slurred, pushing the limits of comprehensive speech. The squad inched closer, if thats at all possible in such a space, to better hang on to every word. 

"Ok, Joe. You called us. What is it you need?" 

It physically pained the IAB agent to speak in such a comforting mannor towards this man. But, nonetheless, the hostage negotiator role usually required a good cop demeanour to prevent extra tension. 

"Where is my goddamn car?"

"Its on the way, Joe. It'll be here in less then five minutes." 

Ed desperately wished this were a lie. Although the actual entering of the car would provide a brief visual, such benefits would soon be lost when the situation became hopelessly complicated by the mobile transport.

"It better be. If it isnt here in... ten fuckin minutes, I'll kill your pretty little girlfriend."

Minds were racing, but luckily not too many seemed to notice Tucker visibly swallow in fear. At least his voice did not betray him.

"Let's not do that Joe. You don't want ESU involved."

"Ya know, maybe you're right for once. I guess I could have some more _fun_ with her instead."

Carisi and Amand shot a nervous glance at each other. Barba just looked down and pretended to be suddenly interested in the contents of his breifcase. It didn't exactly take an amazing detective/genius to see right through his unsuccessful attempt at hiding tears. 

"She was a great fuck, so you know. But hell, you probably beat me to it." 

Shellshocked by both guilt and helplessness, the detectives, ADA, and IAB captian all looked simultaneously defeated. It was official. He did it. Barba almost reached over to end the call, but his arm was met halfway by Amanda's. They had to let him talk. To ease the tension, distract him, and to get more knowledge on the situation. So many good reasons to let him speak but a very momentous one in favor of just saying "fuck you" and hanging up. Wishful thinking seemed to be the phrase of the day, but actual successful action was elusive. 

Thoughts were interrupted by Joe's voice once again, all people in the room listening carefully in spite of themselves. 

"I'll never understand why a beauty like Olivia would be with someone as cold as you. I guess it doesnt matter anymore."

That question may have been no more than a fleeting thought in Joe's empty mind, but Ed Tucker asked himself that question every night when she slept next to him. 

"Joe, stop this."

Tucker's voice was slightly shaking but firm. Those three words were the full extent to which Ed could try and prevent this tirade without outside negotiators or ESU getting involved.

"Hit a chord, have I?"

"Let's just all calm down here, Joe. Can I talk to Lieutenant Benson? To see if she is alright?"

"Is my fucking car here?" 

"It's on its way now. ETA 5 minutes"

"You said that 10 minutes ago, Tucker. If I'm not cruising like a kiiing in my chariot real soon, little Olivia here is gonna help me relieve some stress"

This time is was Tucker's turn to shoot a concerned glance at the people behind him. It was returned with equal worry and more than a dash of anger.

"It doesn't have to come down to that, Joe. You know that"

"It doesn't have to. But I've got your woman in my hands and I don't mind a little blood getting in the way of taking what I want" 

Carisi visibly flinched and Fin bit his lip in a potent mix of anger and regret. Most people in the room admittingly forgot about her blood loss for a few minutes and instead previously focused, or tried not to focus, on what caused it.

"Is Lieutenant Benson all right?"

"You're calling her Lieutenant now? I thought you're relationship was a little more intimate then that, considering we went through her phone and all."

Coming out about the relationship was inevitable. It just shouldn't have been like this. So public, such inappropriate timing. The squad, especially Barba, looked at Tucker with confusion and a little bit of hurt. 

The distance between the phone and Joe's mouth audibly changed as Joe presumably turned around to ask Liv, "Up for round two sweetheart?"

A muffled "Please don't" resonated from the speaker phone. Followed by a soft whimper.

"You see, Tucker, I've got all the cards. I CAN FLY. But... I think I'd rather fuck Olivia instead."

"It doesn't have to be this way, Joe. You touch her, and ESU will be knocking down the door in seconds." 

Tucker's voice was strained with worry and laced with anger. 

"No. They won't. Because I have the gun to her skull, and you don't have one on mine."

"Move!", followed by the sounds of the two children scurrying off the couch was relayed to the command bus via phone. 

Amanda and Carisi pleaded with anyone who could hear in hushed voices, asking them to interfere. The rest of the squad just... exsisted, and hated themselves for it. Even a cadet would know Liv's chances of survival were dismal as it is, if ESU were to startle Joe just a little, only a twitch of the finger would do her in. 

Although distorted through the shoddy phone audio, the sound of his new weight on the cusions was unmistakable. 

_God where the hell is that car!_

The phone was disconnected on the other end, but not before a distinct groan of pleasure and three pained "no"s could be heard. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not 10 minutes later, tires slid against asphalt outside, and Joe would given the green light in exactly 1 minute, as ordered by the ESU head guy. 

The violent sound of door hitting the side of the bus made a few nearby rookies flinch. Fin, absolutely fuming, began to shout orders. Not like it was really nessesary, as most were already in position, but at least some pent-up anger was vented. 

If they thought Fin was loud, they had another thing coming. Before the infamous Ed Tucker could finished screaming the driver's head off, something about "I needed that car 25 minutes ago!", he was pulled back behind the line of riot shields. Each member of the team was standing outside, vests on. 

The garden door opened, and both parties had the safety off. 

Olivia emerged first, carrying the son (who had recently recieved a beating by the looks of it). That boy clung to her with all the strength his muscles could possess, while Liv used one hand to support his weight and another to grasp his hair against her chest consolingly. The girl hugged her midsection, near where the askew belt met the hastily pulled-up pants, and the group advanced slowly. They eventually reached the car, the distance between Joe and the door being only a few feet.

Before Tucker could say anything, Liv took initiative.

"Joe, we don't really...", she took a deep breath, "we don't really need the kids anymore, right? Just keep your gun on me. Why don't you let the kids go?selflessness Just you and me, Joe, you and me."

 _Damn her selflessness_ , Fin thought through blurry vision. Her last words would be in service to others, although he supposed that's the way she'd like to finally surrender. 

"Okay, he's letting the kids go", she half-shouted, a statement used more for buying time than actually announcing intentions.

The boy and teen were ushered into the ambulances after Liv cautiously set the boy down and Joe used his free hand to push the girl away.

"I'm just gonna let Tucker know the plan, okay?"

Liv moved with deliberate force, swung, and ducked. 

The single shot ripped through the air and both hit the unforgiving asphalt with a thud. 


	4. Roadkill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hostage situation is resolved with Joe's death. But a new one is just beginning to evolve... This is really just a set up for next chapter where the squad has to deal with the guilt of what happened. This is post-shooting and occurs in the hospital where Liv isn't cooperating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you for the comments and the kudos, I really appreciate them. I'm currently on track to write a chapter a day more or less. There will probably be one or two chapters after this one before I wrap it up and begin my new one. The next work is just going to be a collection of PTSD oneshots, because the show only showed flashbacks for drama rather then really dealing with her trauma. Is anyone interested? Alternatively I was thinking about some sort of EO work.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

**This is really just a bridge between last chapter and the one after this, so sorry if its a bit boring.**

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

The distance between the riot shield starting line and Olivia was may have only been a few yards maximum, but Carisi felt his muscles burning as he ran faster than ever before to reach her. 

Realizing his mistake, rushing towards a rape victim at full speed while yelling "Lieutenant" quite loudly, about 2 feet from touching her, Carisi hesitated. He hung back, as much as he could in the current situation, resulting in all available willpower preventing a strong embrace between the two. But Tucker's hesitation was pushed to the outskirts of conscious thought when Liv opened her eyes for the first time since the shot that rang out 10 seconds ago. Relief washed over in one tsunami wave, warming the onlooking squad that hung back to give their boss space, sans Carisi and Tucker who did not have it left in them to do so.

Tucker kneeled down beside her and slid one hand under her back to help her off the ground, grasping one of her hands in his as a support. In any other setting, you could bet good money he'd pull her into his chest and weep right there, but he knew that it would just be another attack on her fragile but very intact pride. 

As she rose to a standing position, and for the first time was not holding the small boy on her chest, she let go of Tucker's hand and instead employed both in the effort to keep the two halves of her torn blouse closed as it was no longer tucked into her pants. The rest of the squad would have turned away in a false attempt at preserving pretend modesty, but it was not necessary as her first act was to face away from the small crowd only 6 yards away. With Tucker on her left and Carisi shielding her from view on the right, Liv once again took a deep breath and attempted to exhale the adrenaline.

Quickly thinking, Carisi whipped off his long black coat and immediately offered it over to the woman beside him. The offer was graciously accepted and soon Liv had it covering herself more than what was probably nessesary. 

With a final act of bravery for today, Olivia Benson turned to face her squad and ADA with many eyes on her that she wished would just turn away. Fin tried to, he honestly did, but was far too concerned about her welling to do so. Barba did indeed glance at the ground, before determining he was no longer a subject of her concern and once again raised his line of sight to befall the woman walking slowly and obviously failing to hide the pain that the action elicited. 

The most humiliating part of this walk of shame would soon come to fruition as she began to walk to the riot shield line and towards the safety of Ed's car only 20 or so feet away. Only to realize that each step revealed the leg reaching forward, and subsequently the white-ish substance that marred these black pants. Liv stopped walking to look down at the offending marks only to understand that the action was only drawing attention where she wanted none. She just had to make it past the looking eyes of the squad where at least then they'd be looking at the back of the coat instead of somewhere else on her already violated body. 

Oh how the mighty have fallen... 

Carisi managed to break off from the pair and stood side by side with Rollins, Dodds, and Fin, forming a slightly curved crescent. 

Originally the question "Where is Noah?" was halfway posed to fill the awkward space, but soon her mind moved to real concern. 

"Where is Noah?", she asked again, looking up at Tucker. 

"Liv, he's with Lucy at the precinct"

Olivia, still being watched observantly from the familiar faces all around, began to quicken her pace towards the car and releasing her intertwined arm from Tucker's. The man made eye contact with Barba, as Ed was only a few feet away from everyone else, and saw the squad next to the ADA watching the scene in his peripheral view. 

Liv reached for the black sedan's door before stopping, her hand on the handle. She wanted to escape this street and never return.

"Ma'am I can't let you do that", the EMT said calmly and slowly

"I'm fine." 

Almost everyone who heard that line had to supress the automatic reflex to roll their eyes at such a claim. She was always "fine", even when she wasn't. Only one man had the audacity to defy her, and even then he wouldn't have dared if it were not for the disturbing sights he saw inside. 

"Liv-", Mike started, but the angry and familiar glare he was given immediately stifled any attempt. He stepped back with the rest of the detectives.

"Ma'am you need to come with us." 

"I'm a cop", she went to flash her badge but it wasn't at her hip. 

"Not in this time. You're going to Mercy." 

The Lieutenant looked at Ed, embarrassed. The desire for her squad to leave was crushing. The stranger was right. She wasn't the cop this time. But then again, "victim" wasn't really a proper adjective to describe Olivia Benson. 

"Can I at least ride with him?", referring to Ed. Liv wanted to take his car, a slight grace giving some time to get herself together. 

The calculating look on the EMT was visible. This woman obviously wasn't going to comply, and at least this way she would go voluntarily. But Fin recognised the man as the EMT that went in the brownstone and knew he wasn't going to allow it. 

Surprisingly he did. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ed thought the usually buzzing waiting room was empty at first, before understanding they had been brought to a private section. After surrendering Olivia to the doctors, who were vocal about their disapproval her means of travel, he was left to wait his everyone else.

The tension was thick in the semi-filled room as he sent a message to Lucy, telling her to take Noah home. No way he would allow either of them to see Liv right now, despite all her "fine"-ness. 

The detectives sat next to one another in the cushioned chairs, and Barba gave himself a two-chair buffer from everyone else. Tucker was going to put some serious distance between himself and the squad, but was shocked to find himself now sitting next to Fin after an emotionless invitation.

They sat still for a while. Probably forty minutes. It didn't matter, Mike made a call to Dodds Sr. and worked out an arrangement, no one would be called in tonight. 

"Family of Olivia Benson?", the blonde doctor asked in their direction.

They waited for someone to say something. Usually in these situations an actual family member would rush over while the brothers in blue were secondary. The silence spoke volumes, but the doctor continued.

"Next of kin is Mr. Stabler. Is he here?" 

Fin shook his head no. He was going to kill Stabler if that son-of-a-bitch ever showed up. 

"Ok...", she awkwardly stated before flipping papers on the clipboard until she found what she needed. "Father is listed as a Mr. Cragen."

How could they have forgotten to call Cragen? Before pondering too long on the question, Amanda gave everyone a look as if to say _I've got it._

The doctor simultaneously tried the last two names on the very short list. Fin and Tucker both stood, but Ed gave Fin a questioning look. He had hoped for some alone time with her. 

"I was here after Harris. And after Lewis. I'm gonna be here for this." 

It wasn't a question, but it wasnt a demand to let him through either. Ed just shook his head and waved him over to stand next to him as they approached the doctor. 

"Ms. Benson is just got done receiving some stitches." 

"Is she okay?"

"Most injuries are minor, a small concusion and bruising on both wrists. The real concern is a pelvic fracture and some internal bleeding."

"Did she consent to a-"

"This is a matter that should be discussed privately. You can follow me." 

The trio departed and the white room was left a little emptier. Despite the itching need to know who Harris was, the squad instead focused their minds elsewhere and Amanda stepped into the corner of the room to call Cragen. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

The doctor held the door open as both men stepped into the hospital room.

"Did you bring the discharge pap-", Liv stopped short when she realized it wasn't the woman and instead her two closest family members. Except perhaps Cragen or Munch, both who she suddenly desired to share a beer with. 

Ed approached slowly, but Liv had none of that and quickly moved to wrap her arms around his neck. Their embrace was short lived when Ed mentioned a sensitive topic. 

"Ths doctor said you refused the rape kit." 

Liv pulled back.

"He's dead. It doesnt matter." The last sentance was less of an argumentative tone and more of a self-targeted statemnt.

"Barba wants to charge Roxie as an accomplice to murder and rape."

Tucker wasn't lying. Barba was furious, rightfully so, but now Joe was dead and someone had to go down for this.

"Murder?"

Both men were subconsciously grateful shs wasn't denying the rape. 

"The father died on the table 20 minutes ago" 

He admired the way the hair framed her face as he reached down to take her hands in his. Fin stood back, waiting for a break in the conversation when he could ask to speak with her privately. 

"I don't want to press charges against her."

"Liv, are sure tha-"

"I'm not pressing charges."

Her voice was firm and unwavering for the first time since they arrived in the hospital. Ed was puzzled as to why, but Fin knew. The pitying stares, questioning looks, wondering if she was okay. It was all just too much for a person who built a house of respect on a foundation of pride. 

"Will IAB want a statement?" 

"I recused myself already, but they probably won't want to pursue it. The whole situation makes them look bad, they don't want any press on this, trust me."

Ed felt a twang of guilt for brining politics into the conversation, but Liv appreciated it for once. No feelings, no flashbacks, just facts. 

It provided a brief moment of peace before the door opened and Cragen walked in, not even attempting to hide his tears. 

**TBC...**

**Thanks for reading!**


	5. Family Ties (the "Rated-M" Version)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cragen and Liv reunite under unfortunate circumstances, and discuss the good and the bad times of their past. They talk of the almost-son he lost and the work-husband she tried so hard to forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took a week or so to update...
> 
> I know I take foreeever to describe a simple dialogue in attempt to really capture the unease, but please tell me if it is too much. 
> 
> Should this be the last chapter or should I add one more?

"Olivia?", was all he could manage at the moment. The silence, only interrupted by the soft hum of machines, was mind numbingly unbearable. 

Fin and Ed, seasoned in the art of silent communication due to both their jobs and relationship to the notoriously private Olivia Benson, stepped out of the room in search of the doctor. 

Liv findled with her hands for a moment before raising her teary eyeline to her mentor. "Hey, Cap..." 

Despite the inflection of her voice almost breaking his heart, and to some degree his will to live, the awkwardness of the situation called for the light-hearted and often misplaced jokes that used to be provided by none other John Munch. Of course, that was a different time only accessed by the nostalgia of younger days. 

"So, Tucker?", was said slowly and cautiously as he approached the bed and sat beside his daughter. 

"Yeah. Tucker. The rest of the squad just found out, I assume." 

She tried not to think of the phone call. About how her relationship was disclosed in crude terms while a dozen NYPD officers listened. About how they heard... other things. 

"If he hurts you..." 

Liv's broken demeanour was temporarily replaced by a small smile, "You'll have to get in line"

Cragen, who was currently sitting on the bed directly next to the always stoic woman, was shocked but not altogether surprised when some tears slipped through her armor of pride. In mock of her vain efforts, Liv couldn't stop wondering what the squad thought of her right now. The words "weak" and "incompetent" seemed to take center stage. 

Almost as if to read her mind, Don reached his hand over to her opposite shoulder and pulled her in to a fatherly embrace. He leaned in further, comically appearing as if to tell some big bad top secret information, and whispered. 

"They don't think of you any less, I promise."

Liv responded in a similar tone and volume, but her voice was partially warped by the familar burning of her throat when trying not to cry. 

"I don't want them looking over their shoulder, wondering if I'm okay."

Both minds were infiltrated by the memory of the trivial argument, years ago. Most of the former squad rembered, and not one failed to be angry at the brash detective. How dare Elliot insult his partner, the closest person in his life? But no one was as undeniably hurt, as betrayed and confused, as Liv herself. 

"He loved you".

She had to know by now, he thought. The whole NYPD knew, bets were made, and the rumors of infidelity were wildly whispered behind closed doors when they left and together. When they communicated without words. When they stood so so close, looking at the other's lips as the sexual tension rose and rose, as onlookers wondered _Is this the moment?_ Cragen himself understood every time he "forgot" to reassign partners. Perhaps non-so-little part of him wanted them together, to finally find peace in one another. 

"He left me."

"I-"

"Don't worry. It seems to be a recurring pattern", she took a breath but nonetheless her voice broke regardless, "You'd think I'd ne used to it by now". 

The sad smile aimed up at him was not pitiful, Olivia Benson would never allow herslef to be subject of such, but damaged his fatherly instinct to protect regardless. 

The tension could be cut with a knife. Or, as it turns out, a single sentance. 

"They told me what happened." 

Well...there it was. Some part of her wished he didn't know, that they could meet again under the pretext of a July 4th BBQ, but another part understood that keeping all these secrets felt more and more like a parasitoid and less like a comfort. Cragen, of course, didn't know the whole story and the waiting room occupants were reluctant to provide information. All he knew for sure was that Olivia had been taken hostage and Joe somewhat confessed to raping her, which was bad enough. But he wanted the whole story. He _needed_ to know what really happened. 

They've met more than a dozen times after his retirement, the relationship and silent dependency on one another unspoken. 

"I'm fine, Cap." 

The mindless twidling of her hands resumed, a subconscious effort to avoid eye contact.

"Olivia Bensons infamous last words", Don said with a slight chuckle, successfully raising a smile from her lips. 

He pressed on, albiet very wary of reaching her emotional walls,

"How are you really?"

"I'm o-"

"Please don't lie... please. I had to wonder after Sealview, and especially after Lewis. I had to watch helplessly when you tried to hide flashbacks in the squad room and nightmares in the crib. I can't do that this time, I won't. I _need_ to know the truth, and it needs to come from you." 

The need to ponder " _Was I that obvious? Did the whole squad see right through me?"_ was cut short by the knowledge that this time, Liv would have to open up. To tell how this destroyed the last little bit of dignity she thought she had left.

"He wanted to take that girl to the bedroom... I...", she began, somewhat faltering in speech due to the emotions of the confession, "I knew exactly what was going to happen when I took her place."

Don knew exactly where this was going.

"Liv-"

The floodgates opened and the truth poured out, but not without great difficulty. 

"I didn't even fight, Cap... I... didn't even fight."

"I'm not going to let you blame this on yourself, Olivia. Not this time. What would have happened if you struggled?"

"He would've taken the girl."

"Exactly."

Olivia leaned in, to both support her head on his shoulder and to prevent him seeing her actually cry. Once again this action was futile, as it would be revealed instantaneously upon hearing her talk. 

"I could have dealt with that, Don. But then Dodds walked in... and... and the radio!" 

"What happened over the radio?"

"He gave Tucker an ultimatum."

Don paused, knowing it would be unwise to ask a question and instead should just let her talk at her own pace. 

"He said if the car didn't make it in 10 minutes, there would be time for round 2."

"Oli-" 

"Joe didn't have to broadcast it! You know... with Lewis... it was the pain. It hurt soo badly I thought I'd pass out at the very thought of him. But this time? It wasn't even close to the worst part. It was knowing they heard, even for a only second, they heard him do that to me again." 

_Again._ It echoed in his mind. Bounced around for a bit. Haunted him. 

The fatherly instinct to pull her close was irresistible. He used both arms to enclose, but careful not to trap her, in a careful embrace. Her hair hit the bottom of his chin as Don made up his mind. 

He would find the one who could make her forget. To reunite the closest people he's ever known. To bring her back from the edge before she even came close to the cliff. 

He would find Elliot Stabler. 


End file.
